A new heart!

My mom was just released from Makati Med after a successful bypass operation. Five vessels were replaced and re-directed to get her heart pumping again. At 63, she is full of spirit, life and energy. A week of sleeping in the hospital couch made me sick that I dreamt of sleeping back at home everyday. I missed eating at the dinner table with my mom and just go home to tell her my story for the day.

Now that it’s all over, her heart is as good as new and even better than mine. She would always tease me to get married so that she can follow after me. Although widowed for almost five years, my mom lived her life to the full and still very much in love with my dad. She would tell me that her new heart is a physical operation but during the process the experience in the hospital was God’s act of actually rehabilitating my heart.

I must have read three good books, I guess four while in the hospital: 101 on dating; Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders; Assignment; and When God Write Your Love story. I’m finished with the first two and I’m on my way to finishing the last two which I alternate when I do get tired of one chapter.

Reading relaxes my mind and enables me to share with the great minds of our time not to say it sanctifies my soul. I am being prepared like Esther to meet my king. I believe that God is also preparing the man. Lately, I have met several boys. I call them boys because they are not able to assert yet what they want and still live in the world of toys, make-believe and insecurities. I mean, what do you call a guy who you know likes you but resorts to mask what they feel to project their masculinity. Matter of fact how selfish and free loader is that?

My brother is encouraging me to read Jordan’s blog on what separates boys from men and he sum it up in one word: Men speak up what they want while boys throw tantrums and refuse to speak up. Someone wise explained to me that a person with high IQ is able to articulate his thoughts well while low IQ express themselves through tantrums or any form of physical action. That is criminals who are locked up in cells end up in fist fights because there is no other way they can express their frustration or assert what they want.

Now, I would rather have my man approach me and tell me he wants me.

Women, no matter how ready, vulnerable and likes the guy cannot just approach men and say they want to know the guy better (Although many times I just want to do that and instead wait on God for something to happen) . For me if they do this too often, they are setting up the guy to be dependent on them to make future decisions and worse- until they get married, the woman may call the shots. I know there are ways to help out the guys but I cannot just help him all the time. I am not built that way.

It’s really just fair that a woman must not give her heart away unless the man lays down his intentions to be with her. I have experienced agents and friends who would tell me I am too idealistic, or straight. But ey, what do you expect from a thirty year old-virgin. Yet in this age, not too many women have kept their heart and soul whole. I must have fallen in love twice but never yet to that point where I would abandon all. I am still waiting for that time. And I know that time will come.

I think I have a new heart too. God is giving me the grace to go on with life and not let my longing slay my appetite for living. Being single can somehow be frustrating if the one you like is not looking in the same direction.

Women, being more sensitive than men also go through a great deal of vulnerability and I salute women who just lay their cards on the line so that men won’t get intimidated.

I have mellowed much and only God knows why men are still intimidated with me. I just treat it as the hedge of God’s protection to filter men who are too weak to take on my personality.

Meantime, I am still doing what a responsible single person should do, living unselfishly for others through loving the people God has assigned in my life and I just enjoy sharing my life to others who will celebrate me.

I can say I too have a new heart, because God continuously replenishes his love towards me. I can just sense that in my lifetime, I would write books about waiting and courtship. Meantime, while God is writing my love story it is normal that I share my love and be vulnerable to know men because God has a purpose why they come in my life. I want to live that purpose and enjoy God’s will for now.

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I must have watched six movies for three weeks in a row: DeJaVu, Apocalypto, Stranger than Fiction, Holiday, Night at the Museum and History Boys. I was never a movie buff but spending time with my agents and friends is treat I can never pass Just today, I was about to watch another movie in Rockwell, good thing my mom and bro just decided to dine at Burgoo. I can’t wait to watch another movie this Thursday with my team. Movies are great refreshments specially to highly toxic and stressful workers like me. I must have worked for 12 straight hours everyday or more and movies are like shot glasses that take me away to a different level of highness. I just wish I can share it with the one I love. Very soon I will.

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Special thanks to those who have donated their blood to my mom- Blue, Mark, Alfred and those who tried but were declined – Chedi, Jomi, Carlo, Mike, Mae, to those whose generous hearts gave their financial gift to help us meet the 700, 000 plus bill, to Peoplesupport who gave me the 500,000 benefit, to all people who prayed and anonymously gave., to those who visited my mom and my family – VCF KC, Donita Rose, Mike, Alfred, Jomi, John, Aileen, Paolo, Carlo, PS Peepz, Ecom Batch 1- Blue, Tony, Ryan, Mae, Cathy, Joy, Avic, Illyn.; to those who sent their fruits and flowers- VCF Fort, Arnold Clavio and the Emergency crew for taking the video of my mom’s operation; to all the nurses and doctors who took care of my mom. Most of all, thank you to my wonderful Lord and Savior Jesus who gave my mom a new heart. Lord, you are my Valentine.