An excerpt: The Frog and the Prince

source: anonymous

"Do you have a boyfriend yet Paula?" I roll my eyes and shake my head just thinking of the many times someone has asked me that question. In our culture today, this is a fairly justifiable question to ask an 18-year-old girl. However, this 18-year-old does not have a standard response. I say, "No, I don't need one." Most girls would say this just after a devastating breakup and they say it bitterly because they don't want to discuss it. Neither is true for me. When I say it it's because at this point in my life I truly don't need one. I don't see the point in having countless boyfriends before finally settling down with "Mr. Right". This system of finding a mate is similar to the concept of going to a pond and kissing a frog hoping that one of them will turn into a prince. I find the concept of dating foolish, and so I am going to practice courtship.

Courting simply means that you don't get into a serious relationship with the opposite sex until you are certain that this is the person you will marry. This method would be like waiting for the frogs to turn themselves into princes and then kissing the prince. Until then, going out with groups of friends is the best way to find "Mr. or Mrs. Right." Until I read the book, I Kissed Dating Good-bye by Joshua Harris, I was fairly neutral on this subject because I wasn't interested in having a romantic relationship. Since reading this book, however, I am thoroughly convinced that courtship is the wisest and most godly way to find a husband or wife.

One of the biggest problems with conventional dating is the emotional roller coaster it creates. Well, perhaps a more accurate analogy would be a demolition derby. When you invest so much of your time, money, and energies into someone without a serious commitment to speak of, your heart is bound to get shattered. Many young people today get very intimate in their relationships, but what they fail to realize is that intimacy doesn't mean commitment.

Another fault with dating is that it skips the "neutral" friendship stage of the relationship. By doing this, you not only miss out on a great friendship, but you never really get to know the person for who they are. A dating couple tends to show only the "best" sides of themselves, so you never really get to know someone for who they truly are. In a friendship, you often get to see both the good and the bad of a person and there is nothing to lose if the person turns out to be a jerk.

True love is often a forgotten concept in American teenage culture nowadays. It is commonly understood that love means having a physical relationship with someone or feeling good when you are with that person or just thinking about that person. This "love", 99% of the time is really a selfish love, which isn't love at all. Selfish love is an oxymoron. The entire concept of love is about forgetting yourself and your needs and wants to be concerned about someone else. In a dating relationship, much of the focus is on how much fun you had or how you felt while with that person. This is certainly not love.

Love is not about feelings. Love is not about you. Love is sacrificing your own desires so that the other person can have the best.

One thing that I've decided to do in my life is to guard my heart. I have seen too many of my friends open up their heart to a guy only to have their hearts broken. I want a full, unbroken heart to offer to my husband, so I've decided not to even get interested in anyone unless I know he is the one God has chosen for me -- that is if He even wants me to marry.

I was praying one night and God gave me this story as a sort of analogy to what guarding your heart is about: I'm standing in a room crowded with young men. As I look around, I'm tempted to pick out which one should be my husband. I force my eyes closed and ask God to blindfold me so that I cannot look. I must resist the temptation to peek or else I will see one of the young men and think it's him, my future husband. I must wait for God to lead one over to me and wait for Him (God) to take my blindfold off when it's time. I will see only one man in the room. He will be all I could ever want in a husband and I will be absolutely content. This is how I must guard my heart. I just have to wait patiently for God to bring him to me, so that I don't set my heart on a frog instead of a prince.

God has lead me to the acceptance that I might get married sometime in my life. He has also brought me to the realization that I don't need to do anything right now. I'm not ready to get married by any means, so I just need to sit back and enjoy the ride. Eventually God may bring someone into my life for me to marry. Until then, I pray that God will help me to wait so that that I don't kiss any frogs before my prince arrives.