The Garden

One month back I suddenly felt the need to interceed. I started praying in a language not known to man but that of the angels. I had this anxious feeling as when something wrong is about to take place. I started praying like there's no tommorow, eyeballs swelled up in tears. Just when I was about to ask God is there anything wrong Lord? why is there so much burden in my heart? He replied.....Read Genesis 2:8. Like an obedient child, clueless but more excited, i opened that passage in my bible which read..........

Genesis 2:8

Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed.

I was indeed dumbfounded as to what could be the meaning of this because I stopped praying for one person which has captured my fancy for one year and it has been a month since I last prayed for him. I am fully sold out to the fact that God is totally in control of my future spouse and that I don't want to ask for a pearl anymore, no matter how captivating it may seem to be, simply because i don't want to disqualify myself from God giving me the diamond.

And so Jesus, being faithful to all his promises, assured me that time that He has formed the man. So I started researching on the meaning of that verse because it was so short, yet concise and made an impact in my quiet and blessed single life, watchamaccallit.

Sure enough East signifies the presence of God, as in the sun rises in the east. The ark and the temple faces the east. Eden represents the place of God's ultimate blessing, promise land. So what God really wants to tell me is...

Claire..in the place of my presence, where i promised you, i have already formed the man.

So i know that as long as I abide in the Vine, my promise is just around the corner.

I'm still puzzled about this verse because i can only know in part and i know that in time everything will be revealed.

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1 Corinthians 2:9-10

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"-- but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.

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One week after, i have this little insecurity going on. Believe it or not when God wants to promote you, he will expose stuff which has to be corrected and dealt with no matter how menial it may seem to appear. For a long time i have been wondering why i don't see myself as beautiful. I mean i know many would disagree but how come my brothers can just say to themselves how good looking they are. They have the guts! Even my mom in her early 60s can confidently say she's beautiful and me on my part, simply cannot.

If me and my friends would walk in a crowd and we meet a common friend, I would always think at the back of my mind that our common friend would greet them and not me because i feel unattractive ( iknow that was a lie and a mindset).

So to free myself from all of these i decided to ask God. Yes, in my 13 years of Christianity, it's the first time I asked God if he thinks I'm beautiful because i used to think it was a silly question. "But I learned that everything that concerns us matters to God". That i am so important that he died for me on the cross. So to the advice of my brother jehu and my cell leader Rose, I had my talk with God.

I sat and waited for God's reply when I asked on evening in our living room, "Lord, who do you see I am". I tried to listen and listen intently and as The Voice started speaking in my Spirit, I wrote it down. I wrote a thre page description while trying to hold back my tears because I was so full of amazement and appreciation for His loving words.

Part of that description was ".....................you are beatiful, your beauty comes from your continous abiding in me. And you are that Garden, people love to flock in the garden because they find peace, security, comfort and they just want to gaze in our beauty. And in that garden, i have formed the man in your life (as if reminding me his words one week ago). "

Oh no, that really gave me away. So for the first time in my life, I slept by 4am like a baby with a plastered smile on my face. It used to be that it was very hard for me to smile than to frown although scientifically I know it takes more muscles for a person to frown than to smile. God reminded me the root of that mindset. I used to despise beauty because my grandparents and my heritage were very beautiful tracing their roots back to Spanish priests, but they used their beauty to indulge in sexual immorality. While I was growing up, I would hear comments and whispers such as; "............she's pretty indeed but will she amount to anything? Will she turn out to be like her grandma". And that planted a curse right there in myheart. I started to develop my brains, my character and began to be insecure about how i look. I feel ugly because iI thought beauty is a curse. I would avoid smiling because i feel like I am seducing men and I don't want to attract attention.

And God revealed to me that my beauty comes from holines and he removed my shame and my fear.

I am that garden, people gather around me and flock at me because they feel a sense of comfort, security and beauty but most of all they feel the presence of God and that is all that matters...........

.......and in that garden he has formed the man. Whoever is he I know it's a good wait..........

A poem given by my close friend..............................

Claire Ann,

A woman so fair

A garland of grace adorns her hair

Her smile can brighten a dimly lit room

Her presence is commanding

With no qualms or misgivings does she work toward her goals.

A woman saved by grace

Holiness and purity you can trace

from the kind of life she lives.

Men and women admire her

For Jesus is her Lover

and His light in her shines true.

Claire Ann is a signet ring

On God's finger, polished and shining

like a diamond of brilliance and fire.