Confessions of a single woman
It has been 3 years since I had a relationship and I am not ashamed to write my struggles as a single woman because I know I am hidden in God and I am not doing anything to be ashamed of in the first place. Moreover, my own struggles serve as a lesson, an inspiration to many in how they should live their lives in the hopes of waiting for the right man.
God must have enjoyed me so much that for three years now, I never had any relationships, flings although I must admit I was attracted to a lot of good men. It was around 12 months or a year to be exact since God has shut down my heart so I can have undivided attention and now, the desire to be with a man grows ever so intense.
Every woman desires to be admired, be pursued and explode their beauty. I admit that because it has been along time since I was pursued and admired (at least from what I am aware of); I can't help but feel really lonely and empty inside.
It started this Christmas and New Year when I spent those eve working. I enjoyed my work not to say my lovable agents inspire some to be there for them but there is this sting in my heart that seem to crouch at the door of my longings to be with someone.
Oh you know what I am talking about if you are single and a woman. Not because you are a Christian that you have lost that desire or maybe you are too religious to start an in-your-face conversion with your soul. Going back, I yearn to be cared for, pursued, wanted and loved by a man. But not just any man, but a man of standard. A man assigned to me by God.
I still haven't lost track of what I really want especially after calling off two engagements in a row, I am proud to say that I know now what I want and I will surely not compromise that. Then why is that the options and odds for me to be with a man who I like seem to grow dimmer and dimmer as opposed to when I was younger, could it be that I have set a very high standard that I cannot see the man outside the fence or vise versa? Could it be that I am just comparing myself to most of my friends who one by one are tying the knot? Could it be that right up until now, no one has really pursued me the way I want to be courted?
Let’s backtrack; the last time I know I got this attention was two years ago when men would ask my workmates for my name. Then they would befriend my workmate so they’ll get to know me. Then they would catch my schedule and be there where I am so they can introduce themselves. Then comes the invitations for lunch, and then emails then the normal visits. All of these didn’t work for me because I can read through their intentions. I am the type who wouldn’t give you a chance if I don’t see us having a future together. I remember one of my batch mates at work asked me If he can court me, guess what I said? I bluntly said no. There was one time one good-looking 5 years my junior came to our account. He was attractive compared to most men in our account, I can’t help but admire his built, I learned that he liked me from the very first look , and women knows that and are sensitive to that when it happens. Because of standards, I treated the guy like a normal friend and made sure he doesn’t fall for me because he is way younger. There was a persistent guy who constantly visits me on my floor and made sure I ate during my break. He was so persistent but I learned he was married, so I axed him nicely.
Then there was this guy from my circle of friends that I usually spend time with. Christmas and New Year, we spent it together last year, but nothing happened aside from his boyish charm and pa-cute effects. I guess it is because he is simply not the right man for me. So I moved on and God has closed my heart for 10 months.
Yes there are times when my workmates would try to tease me, compliment me and even spend time with me but because my heart is closed, I never noticed it until some time that I would realize that they were already hitting on me. Either I have no time or I never considered them at all that is why I didn’t pay attention.
My agents would even recommend their friends and uncles just get me hooked up. Our meetings sometimes end up them convincing me to open up. It just was not the right time.
Then my friend who is 37 years old married a guy 10 years her senior. I tell you, I had hope. Nothing is really impossible with God. Even gay guys would encourage me that if they were straight they could have done something about it because they found me smart and beautiful. Funny but true.
God will give me glimpses of the man he has assigned for me through different personas that I encounter. Sometimes he takes the form of my mentor, my teacher, my friend, my boss, my agent, or a character in the movies.
Just this week, there was a deep longing for this guy who I know is very admirable who I can’t really avoid because we see each other often. I was not guarding my heart that I must have fallen for his good qualities. I don’t know if it is good that I easily admired him because it is a sign that I am not too stringent as I used to be or it could be bad because I may have lowered my standards.
I finally got to the bottom of dealing with those feelings after laying it all to God and let his will be done. I went to the gym and spent time with my family over dinner and movies. My brother showed wisdom by asking me what are my standards and I was able to see a clearer picture that I cannot really compromise my conviction--that he has to love God most of all.
Haaaaaay, the heart is deceptive above all things and is beyond cure. I want my heart to be so pure that I only have God in my heart. Whoever that man is, I know he is not perfect but together, we are and will be perfect for each other.
He is so in love with God, that he will honor me. He is someone who would treat me like a princess the way God has treated me. If I don’t find him or if he doesn’t find me, then God always have a reason and a far better plan. I just don’t want to take things into my own hands.
It is just like how God pursued and waited for me, that guy would specially reveal and enhance my relationship with God.
I know that this has become too personal but sometimes you need to tackle things straight off the bat. You need to face your demons and really get back to the basics of life. That God is loving and is the only one who can complete us. Meeting that man would just be a reflection of how much God loves me.
I am glad God has a plan for me and he has never lied nor failed on any of his promises. His love completes me and makes me secure. Yes, I will be still and know that you alone are God.
God must have enjoyed me so much that for three years now, I never had any relationships, flings although I must admit I was attracted to a lot of good men. It was around 12 months or a year to be exact since God has shut down my heart so I can have undivided attention and now, the desire to be with a man grows ever so intense.
Every woman desires to be admired, be pursued and explode their beauty. I admit that because it has been along time since I was pursued and admired (at least from what I am aware of); I can't help but feel really lonely and empty inside.
It started this Christmas and New Year when I spent those eve working. I enjoyed my work not to say my lovable agents inspire some to be there for them but there is this sting in my heart that seem to crouch at the door of my longings to be with someone.
Oh you know what I am talking about if you are single and a woman. Not because you are a Christian that you have lost that desire or maybe you are too religious to start an in-your-face conversion with your soul. Going back, I yearn to be cared for, pursued, wanted and loved by a man. But not just any man, but a man of standard. A man assigned to me by God.
I still haven't lost track of what I really want especially after calling off two engagements in a row, I am proud to say that I know now what I want and I will surely not compromise that. Then why is that the options and odds for me to be with a man who I like seem to grow dimmer and dimmer as opposed to when I was younger, could it be that I have set a very high standard that I cannot see the man outside the fence or vise versa? Could it be that I am just comparing myself to most of my friends who one by one are tying the knot? Could it be that right up until now, no one has really pursued me the way I want to be courted?
Let’s backtrack; the last time I know I got this attention was two years ago when men would ask my workmates for my name. Then they would befriend my workmate so they’ll get to know me. Then they would catch my schedule and be there where I am so they can introduce themselves. Then comes the invitations for lunch, and then emails then the normal visits. All of these didn’t work for me because I can read through their intentions. I am the type who wouldn’t give you a chance if I don’t see us having a future together. I remember one of my batch mates at work asked me If he can court me, guess what I said? I bluntly said no. There was one time one good-looking 5 years my junior came to our account. He was attractive compared to most men in our account, I can’t help but admire his built, I learned that he liked me from the very first look , and women knows that and are sensitive to that when it happens. Because of standards, I treated the guy like a normal friend and made sure he doesn’t fall for me because he is way younger. There was a persistent guy who constantly visits me on my floor and made sure I ate during my break. He was so persistent but I learned he was married, so I axed him nicely.
Then there was this guy from my circle of friends that I usually spend time with. Christmas and New Year, we spent it together last year, but nothing happened aside from his boyish charm and pa-cute effects. I guess it is because he is simply not the right man for me. So I moved on and God has closed my heart for 10 months.
Yes there are times when my workmates would try to tease me, compliment me and even spend time with me but because my heart is closed, I never noticed it until some time that I would realize that they were already hitting on me. Either I have no time or I never considered them at all that is why I didn’t pay attention.
My agents would even recommend their friends and uncles just get me hooked up. Our meetings sometimes end up them convincing me to open up. It just was not the right time.
Then my friend who is 37 years old married a guy 10 years her senior. I tell you, I had hope. Nothing is really impossible with God. Even gay guys would encourage me that if they were straight they could have done something about it because they found me smart and beautiful. Funny but true.
God will give me glimpses of the man he has assigned for me through different personas that I encounter. Sometimes he takes the form of my mentor, my teacher, my friend, my boss, my agent, or a character in the movies.
Just this week, there was a deep longing for this guy who I know is very admirable who I can’t really avoid because we see each other often. I was not guarding my heart that I must have fallen for his good qualities. I don’t know if it is good that I easily admired him because it is a sign that I am not too stringent as I used to be or it could be bad because I may have lowered my standards.
I finally got to the bottom of dealing with those feelings after laying it all to God and let his will be done. I went to the gym and spent time with my family over dinner and movies. My brother showed wisdom by asking me what are my standards and I was able to see a clearer picture that I cannot really compromise my conviction--that he has to love God most of all.
Haaaaaay, the heart is deceptive above all things and is beyond cure. I want my heart to be so pure that I only have God in my heart. Whoever that man is, I know he is not perfect but together, we are and will be perfect for each other.
He is so in love with God, that he will honor me. He is someone who would treat me like a princess the way God has treated me. If I don’t find him or if he doesn’t find me, then God always have a reason and a far better plan. I just don’t want to take things into my own hands.
It is just like how God pursued and waited for me, that guy would specially reveal and enhance my relationship with God.
I know that this has become too personal but sometimes you need to tackle things straight off the bat. You need to face your demons and really get back to the basics of life. That God is loving and is the only one who can complete us. Meeting that man would just be a reflection of how much God loves me.
I am glad God has a plan for me and he has never lied nor failed on any of his promises. His love completes me and makes me secure. Yes, I will be still and know that you alone are God.
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